SPG Blog

During my early years as a coach, I used my coaching skills with my clients but didn’t apply them elsewhere. Over time I have learned to consciously bring my coaching and leadership skills to all aspects of my life. This has been particularly evident as I have studied and delivered more team coaching and relationship systems coaching. Suddenly every relationship in my life has become more visible. I have heightened awareness of relationships and better skill at dealing with them. Sharing my coaching skills with others has become a vibrant, passion-filled aspect of my life.

As part of being a contributing member of the communities to which I belong, I often participate in leadership roles. Hence I am a new member of the board at my church. At the annual board retreat, I joyfully facilitated two exercises from my team systems repertoire. I facilitated the creation of a group agreement: an agreement we make about how we will work together during the upcoming year. This is a process where everyone talks about what he or she needs in their relationships on the board in order to be the best possible contributor. I was struck by the willingness of the introverts to engage with this exercise. We learned that we need some quiet spaces so people can think. We learned that we need to take time to make some decisions that may be deemed “emergencies” so people feel they are making good decisions. We decided to be truth-tellers together. We decided to look at or read the agreement at the start and end of every meeting and that we would make additions as needed.

Later, I also took the group through an exercise that both introduced a kinesthetic learning to the day and created new skills and language for the group to use as we work together. This exercise uses a “meta-skills wheel” to help participants examine processes or locate solutions. “Meta-skills” are a lens through which one can see a situation in a new way. We looked at our work as a church board through the lenses or meta-skills of things like “collaboration” and “deep democracy.” This was very powerful way to let us literally walk together through what is important to us as a board. It gave us a sense of each other and our shared goals. It was an exercise that required a skilled, practiced faciliator who could both convey theory and physically engage the participants in the process.

A month after the retreat, we have come together beautifully as a board. We speak out, we discuss, we make hard decisions and we change our minds if the data we see is compelling. We are highly functional. I believe the work we did at the retreat set the stage for us to trust each other. Opportunities for further team development have arisen; at a recent meeting I talked about team toxins: blame and criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt. These are the things that get in the way of group or team performance. People on the board say that the exercises we did during our retreat and the learning about teams I bring to the group is working.

When people learn new skills (including our clients who hire us to bridge learning gaps with their executives), they often struggle with how to implement these new skills. It can feel uncomfortable to act differently at work as new skills are acquired. I have found that if I share all of who I am with the communities I am a part of, then all the skills I possess are utilized. I also give myself time to make the changes so they feel natural, not forced. I am glad that I have taken the step to bring my skills to the communities I am a part of, and I am honoured and inspired to see that I can make a difference.